Do you ever feel... just... tired? It's been a rough few days, and that's not even the worst part. The worst part is, I *almost* had a way out, and then... well. These things happen, don't they?

I am so defeated right now, I can barely muster the energy to type this.

Now, as always, if I want something done, I'll have to do it myself. And it's alright for people to tell me that I need to do it myself; however--these are generally the same people who lived with their parents until they moved in with their fiance, or people who live with friends and pay a pittance in what they laughingly call 'rent', and other people who, in short, have at least 3 different sets of friends/family members within a 10-mile radius that they can run to if their shit hits their proverbial fan... I have no such luxury. I have no safety net. This tightrope walk is all me, and I'm about to fling myself through the air and hopefully manage to grab the flying trapeze before I land with a bone-splintering thud on the ground below.

This is the last time I'm doing this. I don't have the strength to do this anymore. I have spent the last 2 years screaming and raging and begging to be released, and if I can't make it happen this time, I am just going to stop.