Drugs are Good

And they are tasty.

I managed to spill scalding coffee between my legs this weekend, and THANK GOD for my hypochondria and miser's-purse-of-a-cervix--due to my recent hysteroscopy/hormone coil insertion, I had about 400 mg of codeine with which to ease my pain.

And it did.

I'm now left with the rather unpleasant knowledge, however, that all joking aside, I'm starting to get to the point where I like being high more than I like being sober. When you stroll into your local doctors' office, and you realise there's even a very small part of you that's *glad* you poured boiling coffee all over yourself because it just *might* lead to the gift of narcotics, it's probably also time to realise you've got the beginnings of a problem.

Of course, it's likely I'm (as usual) overreacting. I was in a great deal of pain, and my codeine use was well within the recommended amounts. In spite of the date of this blog entry--which I began on Sunday evening, lol, no doubt while slightly incapacitated--I am actually writing *this* line on Tuesday the 22nd, and I've not only had less codeine yesterday than on Sunday, but I've managed not to take any today, because I'm not in serious pain right now.

I think only taking prescription painkillers when they're A) prescribed to you, and B) you're actually in pain, is a reasonable guideline, really, don't you? So as long as I stick to that, I'll be fine. And the reason I'm so nervous isn't even... I mean... it's not to do with me, really.

I had a grandmother. I had 2, actually, in the same way as most people, but 1... she had something like 11 stomach surgeries in the 60s and 70s, and she wound up addicted to a plethora of narcotic substances... she died, is my point, really. She wasn't young, but she sure as shit wasn't old, and she died. And I miss her.

I don't want anyone to miss me, because I fucked my pancreas/liver/kidneys/pick the organ of your choice, and I died 30 years earlier than I should have. I mean it's one thing to eat fried food occasionally, and overindulge on sweets or alcohol from time to time, but... no one should inundate their body with *that* level of Class A substances. Not that I'm sure codeine is a Class A substance--it's pretty mild, for a morphia derivative--but you take my point. It's strong enough. It's not *good* for my internal organs. And it constipates me, quite seriously (and then my tummy hurts and it's bad and I need more codeine... haha). And too much of my taking codeine for fun, and I'll need to move on to something stronger, and I *really* don't want to get to the place where I start asking my friends and family members if they've got some OxyContin/Percocet/Methadose spare.

And. I kind of *am* in that place. At least some days. And what does that tell you?

As much as we all love better living through pharmaceuticals, I think it's time that we strive to be high on life, instead.