More to come later. Maybe a rant. We'll see.
Right. Well. Here we are. I don't particularly feel like ranting--I do feel a bit pensive, though.
Do you ever stop and look at your life, and just go a bit... '....what?...' ? (All the improperly used ellipses points are meant to indicate long, thoughtful pauses, by the way.) Sometimes, I wake up and I look around at what's in my life, and what's not, and it's not that I'm unhappy so much as... bewildered.
In my heart of hearts, in the innermost part of me, I am still 4,000 miles away from home. In the place where I am most myself, in the thoughts that occur without any kind of prompting or personal agenda, I am a shy 17-year-old with bigger dreams than abilities, and I am just waiting for my life to begin. I don't know how I got to this point, and I don't know where I'm going. I've made some friends and I intend to make some more, and we're all gonna have a groovy time, I hope--but beyond that, some days, I feel like I don't have a clue.
What do I want? What do I need? What am I going to do next?
Like the Tootsie Pop commercial, the world may never know.
And *I* sure as shit don't.
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