Love Letters

This stupid blog is becoming like a series of love letters... from me to my friends, from some of my friends to me, now even my insignificant other is getting involved.

I'm sorry to offend him. I don't wish to cause him distress. He was, up to a certain point in my life, very significant. But he threw it away, and every time he gets another chance he spits on that as well, and I'm just damn tired of it. He cannot be the person that he admits he is, and expect to share any real part of my life or who I am.

I have tried to better him, as I try to better myself. I have tried to be his sounding board, his friend, his confidant, and anything else he needs. I have often, not always but often, put his needs ahead of mine. And when I eventually stood up for myself and my rights (however badly I chose to make my stand, that's what I was doing and I had every right to) he and his whole family turned against me.

So now, I stay, but I stay for the kids. I stay, because I've got nowhere else to go. I stay, because no matter how cavalier I sometimes am with my own health and safety, there is NO excuse for taking risks with my kids. And I stay, because it is perfectly possible to live in the house with someone, and barely see them at all.

The worst part is, if he would get his ENORMOUS HEAD out of his UPTIGHT ARSE and even make some consistent effort to change, I could manage. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him enough to fall in love with him again--and I'm certainly not in love with him now--but I could respect, genuinely like, possibly admire, and have sex with him (and that's enough, really, to make a relationship work; I mean what else do you need?).

But no. There he goes, lamenting his lot in life, bitching about how rubbish he is, yet making no move to change things, just sticking his head further and further up his rectum...

What am I meant to do with that?? I mean, really, what???