If anyone cares, the above is actually a bastardized line from a Third Eye Blind song: ''I don't wanna go to London...'' which, if memory serves, is about a girlfriend who's cheating on her boyfriend with an English guy (English men are tasty, I will attest to that fact). In this instance, my use of the line ''I don't wanna go to Moscow,'' is a reference to my sister's new calling plan, which allows her to make free off-peak calls to such destinations as Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro, and, marginally closer to me, Moscow.
What the fuck.
Why would my sister want to call Tokyo, Rio de Janeiro, OR Moscow, when she has a sister living in England? I suppose it's just the way generic companies do these things--oh look, there are this many major cities in the world, let's create a magical calling plan that lets you call ALL of them, and nevermind those rural backwaters where you might actually have friends and families...
I *do* very much live in a backwater, at the moment. So does my sister, albeit one 4000 miles away. But that's what rednecks do. We're born in bumfuck nowhere, we grow up in bumfuck nowhere, and we die in bumfuck nowhere. Even if it's a different nowhere than the one we grew up in, we are genetically programmed to seek out the nearest hub of ingrained racism, pervasive ignorance, and substandard education, and that's where we move. And then, of course, there are no local amenities, no decent internet or phone services, everything closes at 5 every day and earlier on a Wednesday, and we can't stay in touch with the folks back home, because calling plans are designed for people who either live in, or wish to call, major cities.
But what about the rednecks? How are they meant to keep in touch? Oh, the humanity... I guess I'll just send my sister a postcard.
I'm definitely NOT moving to Moscow.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
lol I love how you've described Newcastle and surrounding area's dear :D
Newcastle is beautiful, and it's a great place to go out for a meal, on the piss, shopping, to gigs, there's a groovy science museum, the city's council has preserved loads of historical architecture, there's a castle (perhaps obviously)... Newcastle's great. Where *I* live, on the other hand...
Post a Comment